Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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