fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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