It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
