omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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