Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
