but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also, beer. Big fan.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
