I didn't shave. On purpose
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
what day is it and did you see me today?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
