We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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