Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
