here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
