I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
