let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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