birth control should be required to get into college
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
