i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
