So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
