The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
