Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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