me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is Oprah even human
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
