I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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