remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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