I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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