Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
