You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
