1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
