Dual....:-)
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize