Ambien. No doubt about it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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