Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
