You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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