I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
