my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
