carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I haven't been this sober since birth.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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