I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
bring money and cleavage
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have fence marks all over my body
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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