Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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