after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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