I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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