i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
