You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
