This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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