I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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