What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize