Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
