Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
