Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
