I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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