fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize