Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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