i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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