At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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