I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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