People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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