I love black thongs
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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