If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
