It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
